What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
12.06.2025 01:16
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Over-the-counter supplement could prevent heart disease in type 2 diabetes patients - Medical Xpress
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Scientists identify two global ocean bands heating at record rates - Earth.com
I was very sick at this time too.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
How do you view men and women who cheat?
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Rick Pitino 'Feels Bad' For Tom Thibodeau After Knicks Firing - Sports Illustrated
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Was to survive, this bastard.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
But ive been too sick for many years..
Searching for axions by analyzing X-ray observations of entire galaxies - Phys.org
But it wasn’t much.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Supreme Court lets DOGE access Social Security data of millions of Americans - The Washington Post
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I said to her
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Memorial Tournament 2025: Third-round tee times, pairings at Muirfield Village - Yahoo Sports
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Ive learnt so much.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
They are buried together, in the same grave..
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
All the time i was locked up.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
I did it because my mum asked me too!
She married twice! .
And i lived it daily.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
So, i spoilt her more .
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Comes on , in middle age.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
So whats the point in blame.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I never cut or harmed myself..
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
I was scared of men, in general
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
But, we were locked up after school.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Why did i forgive my father ?
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I think the readers, may guess!
One cannot live in the past .
He knew the spot.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
(And it was in our own minds.)
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I couldn’t, believe it.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
And who doesn’t know suffering?
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Im still living with it.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
On the 31st of Jan this month .
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
She loved him until the end.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
She wouldn,t have been !
Especially a lifetime of it.
We all went to grammer schools
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Who then, do I blame.?
I was seconnd youngest,
He resisted the act ,that day.
What did i know ?
As i do to all so called friends.?
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
My family never makes their pension either.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Put me off passion for life!!
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
I have no regrets .
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
When she asked me how she looked .
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
My life is so biszare .
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
She found it foreign!.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
I will be 64.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I was 9 years of age.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
This is soul school!.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
It was going to be , some day.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
I don,t even have a pension.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Would this be the day?
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
I waited trembling.
I write beautiful poetry .
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
I could never make a relationship work though!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
She was in good health!
We were not on the streets..